Can of Worms

I am taking this Psy class : Counseling theory. I really like this class but I'm starting to question if I how is really the best time to take it. Last week we did this activity called Free Association Words. Basically there are 21 word, someone reads you a word and then you are suppose to say the first thing that comes to mind. Now allowed to ponder it. So we did this in class and then she (prof) read some of them for us to show us how it works. And of course I volunteered cause I wanted to see how in the world you could figure anything out about a person from answers to 21 words. Words like tree, blue, purple, car, cat...ect. Just pretty much words that I myself would never think anyone could figure anything out off.

So I give her mine and she reads my answers to the words aloud. She pauses and tells me not to answer. Then she starts analysing it and says that from my answers it seems that I'm in or have been in a sticky and rough situation and that Im trying to figure out what to do about it. That I feel trapped, but really want to start over. She said more but I can't remember it exactly as she said it, but I started to freak out. I knew she was referencing to the abuse. ( I did get clarification after class as to what she was referring to and she told me that she wasn't going to say it in class because she wanted this to be a safe place for me. She didn't exactly say that she knew but she said that she had a pretty good idea, oh and she is a T also) Naturally I spent the rest of the class in a state of shock as well as panic trying to figure out how the hell she figure all that out with just 21 words. Words that I would think have no specific significance to most people. I felt so naked and totally exposed.

Is it that obvious. I felt like she picked my brain and exposed my deepest secrets. As I said before I talked to her after class and she assured me that its not that obvious, that she'd been doing this for over 30 years and had a pretty good track record. That answer did not feel sufficient enough for me as to how the hell she figured all that out. The logical side of me tells me that its quit possible, and that that is the most likely solution. To totally impractical side of me says that it must be writing on my forehead and all one had to do is look hard enough to see it clearly.

It has been almost a week sense we did that exercise in class and it's still really bothering me. I feel the same way I did when all this resurfaced back in Nov. when it took only a small conversation with a co-worker to open the can of worms. I thought the feeling was that she blew up my fortress but now I am coming to realize that that is incorrect. The feeling is more that of someone has infiltrated my still intact fortress. I think that's worst. Instead of opening the can of worms she simply started to take the lid off. My prof. opened it some more. I am desperately afraid to take the lid all the way off. However I am starting to get the feeling that now is the time. Like I no longer have the option of putting the lid back on. I don't like it! I know I know this is long pat due for being dealt with.
I am noticing that it seems to be more and more present lately. I mean, I haven't really had nightmares in a while, but it seems to be coming up a lot more. My mind feels saturated with it to the point that I contemplated actually talk (verbally) to my sis. I have to say that signals a huge red flag, that its time. My mind no long wants to hold on to it but I don't know it Im strong enough. Well I guess that's all the ramblings I have for now.