Monday, February 11, 2008

Forgiveness is...

At my last appointment with T, I made a comment that I was not a very forgiving person. She was very interested in this statement and challenged me to write about what I thought forgiveness was/is.(without looking it up). I think forgiveness can be many things.

Forgiveness is...

  • when you accept someone’s apology and do not hold the wrong doing against them
  • when you give someone a second chance
  • unconditional love
  • understanding that the human condition is imperfect so mistakes are woven in to it
  • not holding a grudge

I think there is more but I just can't think of anything else. I will add more to it later if I think of anything, but I can tell you that after doing this. I don't believe that I am so unforgiving. I think I am just really unforgiving with myself, well I know I am. I am a very patient person but I angry easily with things that do not go as they should. (If that make sense) This gives me something to ponder.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Mars Was Strange....

Hello all that have been checking my blog, I'm back....at least for now. I had to take a break for a while from all things abuse related as things were getting to "real" for me. Anyhow I'll give you all a little update first.

Life has been full of all kinds of unexpected (some expected) events.

We are moving. I detest moving. It amazes me that you can accumulate so much crap when you buy a house. It should be illegal....lol. 5 years ago we bought our house, moving from a trailer ( which I call a bread box) that was a very small single wide with 2 tiny bedrooms to a massive 4 bedroom house complete with basement and 2 stall garage. ok, so its not really massive, but compared to the breadbox it was like a mansion. In those 5 years we managed to accumulate 2 dining room table sets, a small kitchen table set. 2 entertainment centers, 3 computers complete with 3 computer desk( one of which is a large corner desk..which I love but its huge), another kid...he he he complete with an entire room (or 2) full of baby stuff. ( most of this is our fault as we just could not part with most of his tiny stuff because it soooooo cute), the other kids stuff( beds dressers ect...) and their toys, they had a toy room 2/3 the size of the attic with is the full length of our house, all kinds of furniture, appliances and you name it we got it. This is excluding the stuff thats out side and in the garage. (Enola I know you understand what Im talking about as you just moved too) We have been trying to move for about 3 months now( moving to an apartment) and are just in the end stages of that. For this I am grateful.

School started. You all know that I got into the Nursing program at me school YAY!! As excited as I was it is an incredible amount of work, mostly reading and its very very time consuming. I am doing a double major...Nursing and Psychology but my psy major is undeclared at the moment. Nursing has been discouraging. I know I just started and the first semester is always the hardest, but for so long my goal was just to get into the program and I have done that, so I wonder why am I torturing myself. But, I wont give up....I know I have a tendency to run away at the first sign of trouble but damn it I have worked to hard for this to quit and I refuse to fail so I guess that only leave one option. Success! ( wish I have this attitude about more stuff...like T, but I don’t) So I will just keep plugging on.

Sleepless night. Here has been my biggest complication; I have had insomnia for the past week and a half. It’s getting better now but boy that was tough. With work, kids, moving and sleeplessness my school work was really suffering. I just hope that it keeps getting better.

T. Blah is all I can say about that. Don’t get my wrong I love my T and I think she is wonderful...I just still feel like I am getting no were.

Family life. This is all intertwined with moving and school, and work really. I go to school from 8 in the morning and work till 9:30 at night. So I don’t really get to spend time with my son. I go in and visit him at day care just so he doesn’t forget who I am. I have a fear that Ill come home one day and go to pick him up and he wont know who I am. This is also putting a strain on my relationship. The major problem is that I can’t really change it. I will not give up school and we can’t afford for me to not work as well. I try to not to homework on the weekends but that’s not all ways possible. I am so behind on reading due to the insomnia( cant retain anything when I’m that tired) that I am trying to play catch up now. This weekend I am hoping to get to spend a little family time.

The weather has been awful. It started snowing on tuesday at 3 pm for about 3 hours then stopped for 5 before the 24 hour snow we were forecasted. It was nice to be out of school and work( work at a college) but I could have done without all the snow. I think our snow total was 17" or 18 ". The kids loved it but they weren’t the ones that had to shovel it.

Well I think that’s about all for know. I plan on posting more when I get the chance but I do plan on writing more often. T says its good for me.